Episode 75: How To Deal With Our Conflicts With Food

Ep 75: How to Deal With Our Conflicts With Food

Emotional Eating & Our Conflicts With Food.

Today we are going to explore food as a conflict. Primarily because it’s a huge ongoing issue that millions and millions of people around the world suffer from and if they did not suffer from this conflict they would essentially have a better quality of life. Of course I am speaking to and about the industrialized nations where the majority are overweight and many dying of food related illnesses like heart disease, diabetes, stroke and cancer.

I would like to admit to you my listeners that I suffer a lot from this conflict around food. Yes, it’s true. I have issues just like everyone else. And though I work on them,  working on them, does not mean that I have them under control. So, I am speaking from first hand experience.

In exploration, let’s break down this food conflict into two major areas; Emotional and Chemical and these two categories are often interchangeable, in that emotional reasons can create the desire or impulse to eat certain foods and that chemical reasons can also create the desire or impulse to eat certain foods.

Let’s explore some of the reasons that many of us have a conflict with food; The biggest reason is pleasure seeking and there are also other culprits in combination such as boredom, tradition, habit, socialization, and the act of just feeling full. For some, it may be a way to destroy happiness by sabotaging a person’s deepest desires of health or physical beauty or acceptance or even worthiness.

The area of emotional eating and chemical interference assisting its recurrence creates great conflicts and its complexity is vast and of course cannot be contained in one episode of hemingway’s heart, but it can offer some support that you are not alone and offer some steps that you can take to help you. Your struggle and often even a fight with food is not just summed up in the right diet or the right amount of fruits and vegetables. Your conflict with food is unfortunately a conflict that so many of us have each and everyday. We know, we all know that we should eat fresh fruits and vegetables and that processed foods are not healthful and that drinking 8 glasses of clean water is important and vital. We know that smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol have negative consequences. We know. So, why do we struggle with this cycle of destruction? Why are we weak? Why do we rationalize that what we are doing, though it may be bad, maybe we can beat the odds and not get that cancers related to our choices such as  dying from a heart attack or from the excessive weight we carry or get a diet related cancer? Why do we continue to eat foods that put on weight when we know that the end result will make us miserable in one way or another?

It’s because we seek pleasure and food like a drug has immediate pleasure wrapped up in it. We receive pleasure the moment our tastebuds are activated and it continues all the while the food crosses over those powerful sensory receptors and then the chemical dopamine is released. You ask what does that mean? I am glad you asked.

In the brain, dopamine functions as a neurotransmitter—a chemical released by neurons (nerve cells) to send signals to other nerve cells. The brain includes several distinct dopamine pathways, one of which plays a major role in reward-motivated behavior. Most types of reward increase the level of dopamine in the brain, and many addictive drugs increase dopamine neuronal activity.

And so, you are not alone and you can see why this issue is so complex and how just dieting and willpower cannot be your only course of action. Understanding cannot prevent you from eating and drinking those foods with negative consequences, but it can give you insight and help you make a plan.

If you suffer from the relationship you have with food: a genuine conflict; understanding it on a deeper level can help you. Understanding that certain foods will reinforce your reward loop cycle.  Foods that are laced with high fat, high sugar and high salt, you know the ones that are super delicious those foods are the dopamine giants.

So what can we do? Well, we cannot tackle every obstacle at once, so let’s look at the areas that we could choose to evaluate; those reward foods. If you have many let’s look at what we could do first. Drink water 30 minutes before you usually get hungry or eat. This will should reduce the symptoms that often aid in making choices that have negative consequences.

You can also remove any and all foods from your home that are high fat, high salt and high sugar. If you have family members that are not on board, have a family meeting and let them know what needs to happen for you to be successful.

Then, choose snack foods with fiber. Apples and bananas are excellent. If you eat 1 or 2 large apples, you are less likely to be able to eat vast amounts of the foods that spin you out of control.

Next, vow not to eat fast food or restaurant food. If that is too much of a stretch then reduce the amount of times to only once per week. This will help. Another thing you can do, is break up with a food that is your weakness aka trigger foods for 30 days. You will find that after 30 days success that food will be easier for you to avoid. You can choose to break up with one at a time, so that you do not get overwhelmed.

Become aware of foods that you crave. If it’s high fat a small portion of nuts can help this trigger. Also, avocado is another way to reduce the craving of high fat foods that are easy to consume in large portions. What do I mean by that? Well, you are not going to eat 10 avocados, but you might eat an entire bag of Doritos or a half gallon of ice cream. So, you want to eat the foods that contain the fat and or sugar but have fiber to slow the delivery system down and reduce the out of control behaviors.

What does it mean to crave salt? What I have heard is that salt craving an be one of two things; your body is used to high levels of salt so you are essentially addicted and second, your are mineral deficient, hence you need to increase leafy greens and fresh herbs. So, if you are craving salty foods, eat a large servings of steamed spinach. Then see how you feel. Celery also has natural sodium.

Okay, so once you understand which foods are your weakness and you remove them and you have had the supportive talk with family and friends. What do we do next? Start listening to podcasts and audiobooks that have supportive messages. Also, see if you can get a good friend or family member to be your buddy system. Someone you can call when you are feeling like self sabotage or rationalization.

What else can you do?If you know you are going to dinner with friends, eat before you go. I know! I know that sounds crazy. But, if you eat a few bananas or apples before you go, you won’t be as likely to eat foods that are high fat and high salt because you won’t be triggered by low blood sugar.

Now, I have been speaking about foods, but this is true for high calorie drinks as well. Anything but water is on the list to break up with, even bottled juices. If you are juicing vegetables that’s a different story. But fruit juices are spike blood sugars and are signaled by the reward loop too.

Another area is “HABITS”, these are repeated behaviors over time that become mindless. Like energy drinks, a glass of wine after work, coffee in the morning, breakfast at breakfast time, lunch at lunch time, dinner at dinner time especially when you are not hungry.

Then there are those foods we culturally have been eating for decades, like pizza, hamburgers, tacos, spaghetti, stir fry, lasagna and fried chicken, these foods have been woven into our subconscious and we believe somehow that we are obligated to eat these foods.

Tradition and habit are often the very creatures that lead to heart attack after heart attack, generation after generation. How many times have we heard, hereditary is the cause, when in fact it’s because family after family ate the same foods and drank the same drinks.

So, how do we manage this conflict when it is so deeply ingrained in our lives? We need to be the leader not the follower. I have heard many many times, I could never give up cheese. That is like saying, I could never give up Heroin. Yes, you can, but it will not be easy. Ultimately, any food or drink excessively high in fat, sugar, or salt is going to challenge you.  But, knowing that these foods- yes, give pleasure for short very short periods of time and that you can eliminate or reduce them and be aware of what is happening, this makes a huge differences in your success on managing your relationship with food.

So, before I go today, I wanted to share a few people that are making news on youtube.com and around the world. First, John David Glaude known as Obese to Beast… a 22 year old young man who lost 160 pounds through diet and exercise changes and is actively sharing his journey. His life has completely changed. I encourage you to take a peek at his incredible transformation. Next, Andrew Taylor ( I actually said his wrong last name on the podcast) but you can find him at Spudfit.com  

Andrew is actually the man who inspired today’s episode, because he recognized that it was his relationship with food, using it as a reward that was his problem to overcome if he wanted to create a life. Andrew decided to eat only potatoes for an entire year. In doing so, he has lost 114 pounds and believes that he has indeed changed his relationship with food. I encourage that you check him out as well.  You can also listen to his interview on Richroll.com

And finally, James Aspey and you can find him at jamesaspey.com.au    James’ story is truly amazing and inspirational. James story also has to do with his relationship to food inspired by his diagnosis with cancer and had been given a few weeks to live. James was able to transform his life and health through food and he was able to discover so much more. 

Please check out each person, you will be inspired!

The message that I want to leave you with today, is that if you are someone that wants to change but does not know how, please start reading everyone that has had a similar story or any story that can motivate you to try to incorporate a few tips that can ultimately change your life, so that quality can be experienced each and every day.

My name is Robyne Hemingway and you are listening to Hemingway’s Heart.

Thank you for caring about your life!

Episode 74: How to Accept OurSelves and Others

Ep 74: Phenomenal Woman.

Today’s podcast is for all of the women around the world of all ages. How to learn to accept yourself and others.

We are going to explore self love -a poem to set the stage-you may want to slow the speed to .8 

If you are a woman with critical assessments

on an  automatic flow, meaning you think

and often say your thoughts of what is wrong

in toe. I encourage you to stop

and interrupt your status quo.

We women are taught that pretty and thin

are mandatory and it starts at home.

Our mothers critique us with words

That hurt cutting to the bone

and then we critique ourselves,

with this harshness and tone

Our social norms say hey

You’re not okay,

Wake up and lose weight

Stop eating cake

We are our worse critics of

Our feminine friends, we

Condemn them for every win

It’s time to realize your value

And mine, we have to combat

The haters, now is the time.

When someone tells you, you’re not okay

Tell them, it’s not for them to say

Interruption is best to prevent decay

your value is not based on your body’s

Display.

You have to stand up to all  who say

You are not okay. Its crucial for your everyday

Parade.

Poem by Robyne Hemingway

Today I want to reach out to all women to every female on the planet. If you have daughters, sisters, friends, best friends, nieces, cousins, sister in laws, coworkers, bosses, managers, teammates, classmates, grandmothers and mothers in your life-

 Today I ask you to INTERRUPT your criticism of yourself and of all the women in your reality to include those on television.  Why? It is hurting you and them and our collective sisterhood our collective esteem.

We are taught this behavior and it is damaging to the bone. As you are listening to this podcast, there are millions of women criticising themselves, their daughters, their friends, their coworkers and so on. Please stop.

When someone says something to you that is perhaps with good intentions but hurtful, stop and turn to them and say, it is not your place to say anything to me. If this person is above your like your mother or grandmother, turn to them and say, Mom or grandmother, I understand that you think you are helping me somehow, but in fact you are damaging my self worth …my self esteem. Please stop. You can say the same thing to anyone, when they try to excuse bad behavior or crossing a boundary that you set, you remind them that we as women must build each other up not tear each down. The same goes to you, when you criticize yourself, you must learn to say, I am working on loving myself and change your self talk.

Women are taught that they are only worthy of pretty or thin or attractive or feminine or a good mother or a good wife. This is perpetuated by all women in all aspects of life, on television in movies, at home, by the media and by our family and friends and it just is not true.

You are worthy. You are more than…someone else’s expectation.

And though there are things that we need to do for ourselves, eating healthy, exercising, learning and developing the our minds, being honest, and generally being a good person, we strive to live up to our core values that we honor everyday and in doing so, it is incumbent upon us to teach people how to treat us with dignity, respect and love. Your value is not determined by someone else’s opinion of how you look. Your value is not determined by the makeup you wear or the clothing you put on, or the size of your hips, or the size of your breasts. You are worthing because you matter. You matter. You matter. And how you walk through the world, how you treat others, how you love others, how you care for yourself and others is where your real value lies. Your beating heart your commitment to be the best you can be, this is where you matter. Your kindness to yourself, your kindness to others, this is where you matter.

The messages here today are important.  I want to convey that we matter, meaning all life matters,  but for today’s message I want to remind women: you are not an object to be critiqued by anyone!

 I want to share with my listeners what prompted today’s podcast. Recently, an acquaintance/sister-friend shared with me her new found joy because she no longer has to change her clothing 7 times prior to leaving the house for work. This made me curious, so as I asked her more questions. I found out that she had been receiving ongoing criticisms for a number of years from the women she worked with, she said that these women were continuingly telling her that a woman of  her size should not wear this or not wear that and talking incessantly about her large stature. I asked her why didn’t complain or say something? She said to be honest with you,  that’s all I have ever known. I said what do you mean? She said, her family has done and said the same things always commenting negatively about her size, her weight and her clothing. She said she did not realize how much pain she was experiencing until she was away from these women. Her circumstances at work changed for several reasons, but none of which were her sticking up for herself. Instead, it was a combination of events that led to a new working environment.  We talked a bit more about her weight, she said she exercises and eats organic foods, but does not know what else to do.

I share this with you my sisters of the world. If you are criticizing others about their clothing, their hair, their makeup, their weight, their anything: Stop. You are not helping. You are hurting someone’s self worth. And if this is sharp knife is pointed at yourself, Stop. You are hurting your self worth. Become love, become a loving person. Acceptance is KEY.

Thank you for listening and caring about yourself and others. My name is Robyne Hemingway and you are listening to Hemingway’s Heart

And now after the music has played a reading of

of Phenomenal Woman, by -Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can’t see.

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

‘Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

-Maya Angelou

Episode 73: How to Heal Election Divided Relationships

Ep 73: Healing Relationships That Are Emotionally Charged.

Today is a day to talk about how to heal relationships that are emotionally divided. How do we do this?

Before we get started; let me say that people all around the world break up with family, friends, neighbors, people they work with, companies they do business with or even a website that shares vocabulary words all because they have different opinions, ideas and feelings. Break up- meaning cut all ties.

I am going to use the election of 2016 as an example, however you can apply everything I share to any disagreement.

First let me say that in my world, in my everyday life, I have and know people who are Trump supporters, Trump fans, Clinton Supporters, Clinton Fans, Burnie Supporters and Burnie Fans and I have and know people who are completely done or uninterested in the political arena.

So, when I am speaking, I am speaking from someone who is dealing with this subject up close and personal.

So, what do we do, if our deep emotional feelings are on the other side of our spouse? On the other side of our best friend or friends? on the other side of our children? On the other side of our parents? Or on the other side of companies we do business with? What do we do? What can we do?

Many people are finding themselves HUGELY divided. And they see their position as FUNDAMENTAL to life and liberty.

Before I go into how to possibly manage and heal your relationships, I want to share with you some things to consider.

If you knew every single terrible thing a person did, it’s highly possible and probable that you would not choose to have a relationship with them. AND on the flip side-

If there were hundreds even thousands of people going through your life with a fine tooth comb and putting the worse possible slant on your life, how many people do you know that would want to know you let alone want you to run their country?

And so, if you are a Clinton or Trump supporter, you have your reasons. They may be rooted in your party’s platform, they may be rooted in the slurs of your person’s opponent, they may be rooted in the promises that your candidate has said they would complete during his or her term as president.

And or maybe your Reasons are just to go against the status quo.

Then again, Maybe your reasons were just to have the first female president and break that glass ceiling so that the daughters of America could believe that they too could one day become the president of the United States of America . Or maybe your reasons are rooted in fear of what might happen if your person’s opponent won. Or maybe your reasons are based on the experience you think your person will bring to the American people. Whatever your reasons are rooted in or perhaps just floating on the surface of not much deep thought at all, whatever they are… you are probably very emotionally attached, RIGHT?

So, how do we have friends or people in our lives that disagree with us on such emotional issues? How do we get along? How do we mend the pain from losing or the pain from fear or the pain from personal angst that our spouse is chanting we won we won and you are angry  or hurt or both  or just  afraid because your hopes have been crushed?

If you are in a different place on any issue in life, you either have to agree to disagree and respect the other person’s feelings and just make a pact to not talk about it.

OR you have to find a compromise to the difference. Like say for example, you have a vegan and a meat eater in the same house, you could agree to not eat together, you could agree that meat is not allowed in the house, or you could agree that meat is not cooked in front or you or eaten in front of you, whatever the compromise is,  it has to show compassion for the other person’s issue. The meat eater is not emotionally charged by you not eating meat, so the meat eater would need to find a way to honor you or your friend or the vegan’s feelings.

With politics and religion these are extremely heated topics for many. Unlike the meat eater not really caring if you don’t eat meat. The pro-lifer is highly charged by the pro-choicer so there is no compromise that either can agree with or on, so they just have to agree  not talk about it.

There aresome issues that may make it easy for people to not start relationships but what do you do with family members or friends or working friends that have opposing views? You can avoid family get togethers that is an option or you can accept that they have the same strong emotions that govern their soul and each of us needs to make a pact to just avoid hot topics.  We all know this fundamentally. Right?

What do you do, if the person in your life, is RUDE and in your face about the issues that hurt you!

Hurt you to your core?

This is where you can ask them to respect your differences. If they can’t and they taunt you, then either you can learn to control your emotions and bite your tongue or you can choose to reduce the interaction time significantly and maybe that is how you manage the relationship rather that healing it.

So with feelings of fear and pain around and issue, it’s important to not throw rocks.

What do I mean?

Neither person should insult the other person’s views. IF you are suffering, find someone to talk to that is suffering too. If you need to vent, vent to someone that is feeling as you feel. But in ORDER to heal…

Here is the KEY- you have to respect your people’s point of view that is the only way that you will HEAL.

You have to say to the other person, I respect you. And though, we disagree. I will make a pact  not discuss this issue. Can we do that?

Disagreements are fundamentally the biggest challenge in life, it’s the major reason for people to break up! How do you find common ground?  You find the things that you do agree on.

What areas can you talk about in your life that are not emotionally charged? Food, Sports, Religion, No Religion, Work, The Kids, Family, decorating, gardening, money, finance, books, wanting good jobs, good schools, good health, good fun, etc.

Most people feel that when you disagree them, you are disrespecting them.  What they want to know is that you can honor them as a person. And give them the benefit of the doubt:Even if You Think You Cannot.

In closing, there are a lot of people hurting others around the world and around the United States. This is in my opinion  that it is because of the consequences to negative programing. There are institutions that spread negative programing and when people hear fear and hatred, it brews inside.

Fear is an emotion that can take hold of a person like a wildfire burning in the dryest brush on the hillside. We must combat fear. If you are afraid learn how you can transform that fear into safety, confidence, hope, security and certainty. 

So, Before I sign off today, the key points to take away

COMPROMISE

RESPECT

HONOR

LISTEN

AGREEMENT or PACT

And agree to disagree if the subject is too heated and no compromise can be made.

DISTANCE YOURSELF IF YOU CAN

It is my hope that we come together and find a way to heal and mend the pain the country is feeling.

My name is Robyne Hemingway

Thank you for caring about the quality of your life!