Ep 73: Healing Relationships That Are Emotionally Charged.
Today is a day to talk about how to heal relationships that are emotionally divided. How do we do this?
Before we get started; let me say that people all around the world break up with family, friends, neighbors, people they work with, companies they do business with or even a website that shares vocabulary words all because they have different opinions, ideas and feelings. Break up- meaning cut all ties.
I am going to use the election of 2016 as an example, however you can apply everything I share to any disagreement.
First let me say that in my world, in my everyday life, I have and know people who are Trump supporters, Trump fans, Clinton Supporters, Clinton Fans, Burnie Supporters and Burnie Fans and I have and know people who are completely done or uninterested in the political arena.
So, when I am speaking, I am speaking from someone who is dealing with this subject up close and personal.
So, what do we do, if our deep emotional feelings are on the other side of our spouse? On the other side of our best friend or friends? on the other side of our children? On the other side of our parents? Or on the other side of companies we do business with? What do we do? What can we do?
Many people are finding themselves HUGELY divided. And they see their position as FUNDAMENTAL to life and liberty.
Before I go into how to possibly manage and heal your relationships, I want to share with you some things to consider.
If you knew every single terrible thing a person did, it’s highly possible and probable that you would not choose to have a relationship with them. AND on the flip side-
If there were hundreds even thousands of people going through your life with a fine tooth comb and putting the worse possible slant on your life, how many people do you know that would want to know you let alone want you to run their country?
And so, if you are a Clinton or Trump supporter, you have your reasons. They may be rooted in your party’s platform, they may be rooted in the slurs of your person’s opponent, they may be rooted in the promises that your candidate has said they would complete during his or her term as president.
And or maybe your Reasons are just to go against the status quo.
Then again, Maybe your reasons were just to have the first female president and break that glass ceiling so that the daughters of America could believe that they too could one day become the president of the United States of America . Or maybe your reasons are rooted in fear of what might happen if your person’s opponent won. Or maybe your reasons are based on the experience you think your person will bring to the American people. Whatever your reasons are rooted in or perhaps just floating on the surface of not much deep thought at all, whatever they are… you are probably very emotionally attached, RIGHT?
So, how do we have friends or people in our lives that disagree with us on such emotional issues? How do we get along? How do we mend the pain from losing or the pain from fear or the pain from personal angst that our spouse is chanting we won we won and you are angry or hurt or both or just afraid because your hopes have been crushed?
If you are in a different place on any issue in life, you either have to agree to disagree and respect the other person’s feelings and just make a pact to not talk about it.
OR you have to find a compromise to the difference. Like say for example, you have a vegan and a meat eater in the same house, you could agree to not eat together, you could agree that meat is not allowed in the house, or you could agree that meat is not cooked in front or you or eaten in front of you, whatever the compromise is, it has to show compassion for the other person’s issue. The meat eater is not emotionally charged by you not eating meat, so the meat eater would need to find a way to honor you or your friend or the vegan’s feelings.
With politics and religion these are extremely heated topics for many. Unlike the meat eater not really caring if you don’t eat meat. The pro-lifer is highly charged by the pro-choicer so there is no compromise that either can agree with or on, so they just have to agree not talk about it.
There aresome issues that may make it easy for people to not start relationships but what do you do with family members or friends or working friends that have opposing views? You can avoid family get togethers that is an option or you can accept that they have the same strong emotions that govern their soul and each of us needs to make a pact to just avoid hot topics. We all know this fundamentally. Right?
What do you do, if the person in your life, is RUDE and in your face about the issues that hurt you!
Hurt you to your core?
This is where you can ask them to respect your differences. If they can’t and they taunt you, then either you can learn to control your emotions and bite your tongue or you can choose to reduce the interaction time significantly and maybe that is how you manage the relationship rather that healing it.
So with feelings of fear and pain around and issue, it’s important to not throw rocks.
What do I mean?
Neither person should insult the other person’s views. IF you are suffering, find someone to talk to that is suffering too. If you need to vent, vent to someone that is feeling as you feel. But in ORDER to heal…
Here is the KEY- you have to respect your people’s point of view that is the only way that you will HEAL.
You have to say to the other person, I respect you. And though, we disagree. I will make a pact not discuss this issue. Can we do that?
Disagreements are fundamentally the biggest challenge in life, it’s the major reason for people to break up! How do you find common ground? You find the things that you do agree on.
What areas can you talk about in your life that are not emotionally charged? Food, Sports, Religion, No Religion, Work, The Kids, Family, decorating, gardening, money, finance, books, wanting good jobs, good schools, good health, good fun, etc.
Most people feel that when you disagree them, you are disrespecting them. What they want to know is that you can honor them as a person. And give them the benefit of the doubt:Even if You Think You Cannot.
In closing, there are a lot of people hurting others around the world and around the United States. This is in my opinion that it is because of the consequences to negative programing. There are institutions that spread negative programing and when people hear fear and hatred, it brews inside.
Fear is an emotion that can take hold of a person like a wildfire burning in the dryest brush on the hillside. We must combat fear. If you are afraid learn how you can transform that fear into safety, confidence, hope, security and certainty.
So, Before I sign off today, the key points to take away
AGREEMENT or PACT
And agree to disagree if the subject is too heated and no compromise can be made.
DISTANCE YOURSELF IF YOU CAN
It is my hope that we come together and find a way to heal and mend the pain the country is feeling.
My name is Robyne Hemingway
Thank you for caring about the quality of your life!