Episode 74: How to Accept OurSelves and Others

Ep 74: Phenomenal Woman.

Today’s podcast is for all of the women around the world of all ages. How to learn to accept yourself and others.

We are going to explore self love -a poem to set the stage-you may want to slow the speed to .8 

If you are a woman with critical assessments

on an  automatic flow, meaning you think

and often say your thoughts of what is wrong

in toe. I encourage you to stop

and interrupt your status quo.

We women are taught that pretty and thin

are mandatory and it starts at home.

Our mothers critique us with words

That hurt cutting to the bone

and then we critique ourselves,

with this harshness and tone

Our social norms say hey

You’re not okay,

Wake up and lose weight

Stop eating cake

We are our worse critics of

Our feminine friends, we

Condemn them for every win

It’s time to realize your value

And mine, we have to combat

The haters, now is the time.

When someone tells you, you’re not okay

Tell them, it’s not for them to say

Interruption is best to prevent decay

your value is not based on your body’s

Display.

You have to stand up to all  who say

You are not okay. Its crucial for your everyday

Parade.

Poem by Robyne Hemingway

Today I want to reach out to all women to every female on the planet. If you have daughters, sisters, friends, best friends, nieces, cousins, sister in laws, coworkers, bosses, managers, teammates, classmates, grandmothers and mothers in your life-

 Today I ask you to INTERRUPT your criticism of yourself and of all the women in your reality to include those on television.  Why? It is hurting you and them and our collective sisterhood our collective esteem.

We are taught this behavior and it is damaging to the bone. As you are listening to this podcast, there are millions of women criticising themselves, their daughters, their friends, their coworkers and so on. Please stop.

When someone says something to you that is perhaps with good intentions but hurtful, stop and turn to them and say, it is not your place to say anything to me. If this person is above your like your mother or grandmother, turn to them and say, Mom or grandmother, I understand that you think you are helping me somehow, but in fact you are damaging my self worth …my self esteem. Please stop. You can say the same thing to anyone, when they try to excuse bad behavior or crossing a boundary that you set, you remind them that we as women must build each other up not tear each down. The same goes to you, when you criticize yourself, you must learn to say, I am working on loving myself and change your self talk.

Women are taught that they are only worthy of pretty or thin or attractive or feminine or a good mother or a good wife. This is perpetuated by all women in all aspects of life, on television in movies, at home, by the media and by our family and friends and it just is not true.

You are worthy. You are more than…someone else’s expectation.

And though there are things that we need to do for ourselves, eating healthy, exercising, learning and developing the our minds, being honest, and generally being a good person, we strive to live up to our core values that we honor everyday and in doing so, it is incumbent upon us to teach people how to treat us with dignity, respect and love. Your value is not determined by someone else’s opinion of how you look. Your value is not determined by the makeup you wear or the clothing you put on, or the size of your hips, or the size of your breasts. You are worthing because you matter. You matter. You matter. And how you walk through the world, how you treat others, how you love others, how you care for yourself and others is where your real value lies. Your beating heart your commitment to be the best you can be, this is where you matter. Your kindness to yourself, your kindness to others, this is where you matter.

The messages here today are important.  I want to convey that we matter, meaning all life matters,  but for today’s message I want to remind women: you are not an object to be critiqued by anyone!

 I want to share with my listeners what prompted today’s podcast. Recently, an acquaintance/sister-friend shared with me her new found joy because she no longer has to change her clothing 7 times prior to leaving the house for work. This made me curious, so as I asked her more questions. I found out that she had been receiving ongoing criticisms for a number of years from the women she worked with, she said that these women were continuingly telling her that a woman of  her size should not wear this or not wear that and talking incessantly about her large stature. I asked her why didn’t complain or say something? She said to be honest with you,  that’s all I have ever known. I said what do you mean? She said, her family has done and said the same things always commenting negatively about her size, her weight and her clothing. She said she did not realize how much pain she was experiencing until she was away from these women. Her circumstances at work changed for several reasons, but none of which were her sticking up for herself. Instead, it was a combination of events that led to a new working environment.  We talked a bit more about her weight, she said she exercises and eats organic foods, but does not know what else to do.

I share this with you my sisters of the world. If you are criticizing others about their clothing, their hair, their makeup, their weight, their anything: Stop. You are not helping. You are hurting someone’s self worth. And if this is sharp knife is pointed at yourself, Stop. You are hurting your self worth. Become love, become a loving person. Acceptance is KEY.

Thank you for listening and caring about yourself and others. My name is Robyne Hemingway and you are listening to Hemingway’s Heart

And now after the music has played a reading of

of Phenomenal Woman, by -Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can’t see.

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

‘Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

-Maya Angelou